


Tom's Time Has Fry-nally Come

by jellybeantarot



Series: The Fry Verse [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Established Relationship, Fast Food, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, French Fries, Humor, Law Student!Harry Potter, Light Angst, M/M, McDonald's, Music, Rapper!Tom Riddle, The Fault in Our Stars References, Tom Riddle is a Dumbass, Tom Riddle is a Himbo, Wendy's, Why Did I Write This?, actually i know why, aw shit, debate on how successful i was, here we go again, honk, i WANTED TO DAMMIT, tom being a rapper is the main focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29913186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeantarot/pseuds/jellybeantarot
Summary: When Tom was 20 years old, the last thing he expected was to be approached by Wendy’s to collaborate on a rap album.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Series: The Fry Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199666
Comments: 31
Kudos: 28





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> wimp womp guess who's back 
> 
> sometimes, things work out perfectly, and in this case, it’s that wendy’s apparently released a hip hop EP in 2018, and i was desperately trying to find a way to continue the rapper!tom arc in some way. the universe works in mysterious ways.
> 
> this probably won’t make much sense if you haven’t read “Do You Want Fries With That?” so read that first! or don't, make your own mistakes, live your life bb <3 also, thank you for the support on that?? the fuck?? how dare you be so kind

Tom got the email for the job listing about two months into his third year at Hogwarts. 

_‘Hi, Lord Voldemort!_

_Here at the Wendy’s, we know what it means to understand good music. That’s why we are very excited to offer_ **_you_ ** _the chance to work with us in recording our new EP!’_

Tom paused. He had, despite it being years after leaving his job at McDonald’s, been searching for a way to make them pay for the humiliation he had suffered at their hands, receiving only minimum wage and sunburns.

He also got Harry, but that was mostly due to his own irresistible charm and his expert techniques in wooing. 

The time for revenge had finally come. He continued reading.

' _We have been carefully searching for the perfect rapper to collaborate with the Wendy’s recording team on our breakout album- and we would be proud to have your voice on our tracks!_

_Of course, due to your popularity (congratulations on 50 million Spotify streams!), we understand any unavailabilities. That being said, the bangers have already been written, so we would be honored just to have that special ‘Lord Voldemort’ flair that no one can get enough of, as well as any background singers you would like to include! We are asking you specifically, Lord Voldemort, because we think your audience would love to hear you from a different perspective: a quality-food-lovin’ perspective!’_

_‘If you decide to accept this offer of collaboration, please email us back at your earliest convenience to discuss payment, flight details, and the recording schedule._

_Eagerly awaiting your response,_

_Wendy’s Leadership Team'_

Finally, someone within the mainstream business world had realized his potential. 

Though Tom did take pride in his primarily self-produced rap career, it had always been his dream to reach the widest audience possible. If Wendy’s could provide that channel, despite not being directly tied to the music industry, he would take that opportunity. The only obstacle in his way was Harry. 

Harry, though being his greatest supporter and ultimate inspiration, would likely have a problem with Tom accepting the offer because of his own history with Wendy’s. Harry hated working there and despised being Wendy, despite it being for only two weeks compared to Tom’s month-long stint as Ronald McDonald. So, would he feel betrayed if Tom accepted a job from his fiercest rival? 

If he were in Harry’s position, and McDonald’s had extended the offer to Harry, Tom would consider that to be the worst duplicity possible. His boyfriend, working with his enemy? Treason of the highest order. 

Breaking him from his conflicting thoughts was the loud ring of his phone, the ringtone giving away who was calling. Of course, the song being _The Chosen One_ , a passionate ode to Harry, serenaded to him by Tom on their one year anniversary. 

“Harry, darling, how wonderful that you would call right now, on this ordinary Wednesday afternoon when nothing monumental or life altering has occurred,” he greeted, and, just to be on the safe side, closed his laptop lid in case Harry could see the email through the video. 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Tom, when you answer a call like that, it actually makes me think something _did_ happen, believe it or not.” 

Harry knew him so well, and that was just one of many reasons why they were soulmates. 

“I’m just going to get to the reason why I called so you can be horribly dramatic, and I’ll coddle you, alright?” Harry asked. 

Tom made an affirmative noise. 

“Right. My classes for next Monday got cancelled, and you know I only have Communications at eleven in the morning on Fridays, so I thought I could take the train and we could spend the weekend together, if you don’t have much going on,” Harry said, his voice turning hopeful.

Tom beamed. “Excellent! I would love nothing more. In fact, a new ramen restaurant just opened that we could try out.”

“Sounds great.” Harry smiled as well. “So, is whatever you’re about to say going to cause the general public physical or mental harm?” 

Tom thought about it. He wanted to say no, because the general public would be blessed to hear the heavenly creations that only Lord Voldemort could produce, but Harry could feel _emotionally_ betrayed.

“Tentative no.” 

Harry considered it. “Okay, go ahead.” 

“Wendy’s sent me an email and asked that I work with them on their debut EP.” 

Suddenly, Harry’s face disappeared as the FaceTime ended, and Tom’s lock screen blinked back at him.

Tom quickly re-entered the FaceTime app and clicked the ‘Harry Potter <3’ contact. He knew that his name on Harry’s phone was ‘lord voldickmort,’ which Tom did _not_ appreciate, but Harry refused to change it.

His call was answered by Harry a few seconds later, but the screen only showed Harry’s ceiling and all Tom could hear was his laughter. “Harry? Are you there?”

“Tom! Sorry, sorry, I-” Harry’s voice broke out into giggles again, and his face popped into frame. “I didn't mean to hang up, I was just flailing, and I accidentally hit the ‘end call’ button. Are you being serious?” 

Tom frowned. “Why would I make something like this up?” 

Harry waved the accusation aside. “It’s just unbelievable. Wow. That’s great! I know you’ve been really wanting to get your sound out into the mainstream sphere, so this is an excellent opportunity!”

Tom’s eyebrows rose. “Really? No cap?” 

“Why the fuck do you even- yeah, no cap.”

“On God?” 

Harry groaned. “Tom, you’re _agnostic_.”

“You don’t feel like this is the greatest treachery you’ve experienced, now that I will be working with your arch nemesis?” Tom reaffirmed. 

“Tom! I worked there for like, six weeks. And, even if I did have some kind of issue with Wendy’s, why would I ever object to this huge opportunity for you?” Harry briefly went off screen, and came back with a clown horn. “Honk!” 

“No, Harry, we talked about this, you actually honk the horn, you don’t _say_ honk.” 

_Honk._

“There you go,” Tom said, and reached over the arm of the couch to grab his matching horn from his bookshelf. 

_Honk._

“Hey, maybe honk will be our always.” 

“Tom, you John Green bitch.” 

Tom squawked, “You’re the one that cried when we watched it!” 

Harry scoffed. “Hypocrite! You were _sobbing_. You were mouthing along to the words, you nerd!” 

“I will not apologize for appreciating a fantastic movie adaptation of an even more fantastic novel- besides, _you’re_ the one that made me take that Buzzfeed ‘ _We Know Which "The Fault In Our Stars" Character You Are_ ’ quiz!” Tom exclaimed.

“Okay, _Augustus Waters_ ,” Harry sing-songed.

“Fuck off, _Hazel Grace Lancaster_.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I thought I was going to get Isaac, but whatever. Do the EP. I believe in you, and you work so hard on your music. You deserve this,” Harry said, and the grin he gave Tom was blinding. 

Tom nodded. “I agree. Thank you for allowing me to work with your enemy- I promise, I will make you proud.” 

“Tom, really, Wendy’s isn’t my enemy-” 

“I will make you proud, and I will make McDonald's wish they had never fired me,” Tom confirmed, solemnly. 

Harry sighed. “I’m sure you will. So, did they tell you the name picked out for the album yet?” 

Tom scanned the email, and right there, yes, the email’s subject line read: ‘Collaboration Requested on Wendy’s EP, We Beefin?’ 

“‘We Beefin?’” 

Harry’s brows furrowed. “Sorry, what?” 

“‘We Beefin?’ is the name of the EP.” 

“Oh,” Harry paused. “That’s… fun.” 

“It’s not my typical material, but it will be worth it for the clout, I suspect. All I have to do is what I do best- rap. All of the songs are already written, they just want my _‘Lord Voldemort flair’,_ ” Tom said, “Of course, who wouldn’t?” 

“Who wouldn’t,” Harry repeated. “So. Uh, Tom, don’t get offended, but did you wonder why they chose you to work with on the album? I would think more... _conventionally popular,_ mainstream rappers would be interested in working with such a big company as well.”

“How dare you!” Tom exclaimed, scandalized. “Wendy’s just understands my talent, and they want to showcase it!”

“Love, I’m sure they do. I was just asking.” 

Tom sighed. “I know, I know. They mentioned in the email that they wanted someone who was more popular online so they could connect my audience, rap enthusiasts, to… burgers. But trust me, I still know not to trust the bourgeoisie, and I will not sign anything without showing you first.” 

Harry, the wonderful and intelligent man that he was, was studying law at Ilvermorny UK. He, after Operation Dehydration, realized that he needed to become much more informed on law and civil law in order to take down capitalism and the big corporations of the world. 

Unfortunately, lawyers were _not_ allowed to have personalized theme songs play as they entered court, according to Harry. Eventually, Tom planned to normalize what he called ‘Operative Courtroom Tune,’ but that, unfortunately, would have to wait until he was a bit more prominent in the rap world. 

“Sure, you can show me the contract when I come to visit this week. Did they- oh, fuck, Hermione’s here, I gotta go. Talk to you later! Love you!” Harry made a kissing noise and waved.

“Love you, too.” Tom waved as well, and Harry ended the call. Immediately, he received a message from Harry that read, _‘proud of u! i was gonna say make sure u ask wendy's if malfuck and barty can do it with u. ok, gtg fr, herm is pushing me. honk?’_

Tom grinned, and texted back, ‘ _In the email, they wrote that I could bring any backup singers I needed, so I’ll ask Draco and Barty right now. I’ll call you if anything happens. Honk.’_


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also known as the chapter where i use too many italics and tom’s sociopathic tendencies really emerge

When Tom called Draco to tell him the _fantastic_ news, he had responded with, “Excellent, so they finally told you, how wonderful! Now, I’m sure you would like to take _Potter_ to America, but I do fear that he is too uncouth-” 

“Oh, you knew? And didn’t tell me?” Tom asked lightly, but inside, oh, how he seethed. Malfoy had _dared_ to keep such vital information from his master? Not only that, but he thought it was wise to slip in a slight against his beloved?

Malfoy faltered. “Well, it’s just- my father- he-” 

Tom sighed. “Yes, I was just informed about the EP.” Tom clucked his tongue. “Malfoy, you’ve greatly disappointed me, and just when I was beginning to mentally refer to you as Draco as well. Get me Blaise Zabini’s number.” 

“No!” Malfoy exclaimed. “Wait, I apologize, please, I wanted to tell you, I swear it. I _begged_ Father to let me inform you, but he made me sign an NDA.”

Tom watched Malfoy to see if he would break under his penetrating stare. Of course, he did. None could withstand the powerful gaze of Lord Voldemort. 

“I’ve been far too lenient with you, Malfoy; you’ve made more mistakes than accomplishments in my presence. Bow.” 

Malfoy bowed, though the camera couldn’t capture his full body, so just the tufts of his blond hair peeked out at the bottom of Tom’s screen. 

“Yes, my Lord, I apologize deeply, my Lord. I promise I will do better,” Malfoy pleaded. “I implore you- may I still be featured on the tracks?” 

It was very interesting it was that his Death Eaters were so excited about singing with him now that they were popular. Tom had his suspicions that they, in fact, were in it for the fame, but he knew that _he_ wasn’t, and that’s what mattered. 

Tom hummed. “Add Barty to the call, right away, Disappointment. I will consider pardoning you.” 

Malfoy whimpered, “Of course, right away.” 

He added Barty to the FaceTime call. 

“My Lord! Draco!” Barty exclaimed. How enthusiastic he could be. “This is _cozy_.” 

“Yes, Barty, excellent to see you- did you know about ‘We Beefin?’”

Barty’s head cocked to the side. “Is that… German?” 

Tom nodded. “Okay, good.” 

“It _is_ German?” Barty asked. “Wow! I didn’t know I retained that much information from secondary school. I suppose I can now add bilingual to my resume.”

Tom hung up without another word. Disappointment could handle that. 

So, he had secured Barty; the other one was awaiting punishment, but, as Tom needed all the background singers possible, he was also confirmed. Hopefully, Blaise as well, though he was in Italy for his schooling, so he probably wouldn’t be available to join them in America to provide his vocals. Which, really, was quite unfortunate because Blaise had a better voice than both Barty _and_ Malfoy. 

Tom sighed. Why did it have to be so difficult to secure loyal minions in this day and age? At least he had his ‘Stanleys,’ as Harry called them. They were willing to commit murder for Tom, going as far as to say things such as, ‘ _lord voldemort asjdaksjdf i would literally build a shrine to u on my father’s grave bc ur my real daddy,’_ or _‘Voldy could punch me in the face and I would thank him and beg for more.’_ That was the kind of passion and fanaticism he needed, and they never failed to provide.

Several of his followers had even gotten tattoos of the cover of his most popular album, _The Dark Mark,_ on their forearms in solidarity. Harry had been concerned that they would look like they were in a cult, but Tom wondered why that would be a problem. Who _wouldn’t_ want a tattoo of a snake slithering out of a skull, that represented their devotion to their favorite musician? 

Tom expected Harry to be angry, or at least a bit jealous when his music began to become popular, but he simply wasn’t. The only time he became mad was when his fans would send him seductive direct messages, especially because Tom never made an attempt to hide his relationship with Harry from his fans. So, most of them knew he was taken, and, though most people were supportive of Tom’s _Golden Boy,_ there were still the ‘simps’ who wanted Tom for themselves. 

He was flattered, truly, but Harry would be the only one for him. 

Harry took to messaging back the accounts that send Tom nudes with threats that insinuated just the right amount, but were also vague enough to protect him from being sued. It seemed his law classes were worth it for that, at least. For example: 

_‘i can see in your profile picture you have very nice kneecaps, sharon, how awful it would be if someone were to... break them.’_

_‘you know what doesn’t sound fun? having all of your orifices filled with cement. think about it, jeremy.’_

_‘have you ever heard of hobbling, deborah?’_

Tom groaned. Harry was _such_ a hypocrite- he could threaten all the people he wanted, but the moment Tom pulls out Nagini, his favorite knife, it’s suddenly _‘wrong’_ and _‘violent’_ and _‘why do you have a favorite knife anyway- WHY IS IT ENGRAVED’_ and he has _’unresolved anger issues that probably stemmed from feeling abandoned throughout his childhood and he now doesn’t know how to properly process emotions other than loneliness and rage.’_

What was the point? Ah, yes, Blaise Zabini. 

Though he was hard to get a hold of, his intonation was impeccable, and he would be a vital asset to his backup vocals, if only he could track him down. 

He added Blaise’s number that he had received from Malfoy to his contact list. He replied with an angry emoticon so the minion would know that he was not forgiven, but a thumbs-up emoji as well to represent that he had received the number. Tom saw the dots that signalled Malfoy was texting back, but he decided to ignore him; for a child like Draco, the best form of slow torture is to allow them to stew in their mistakes, causing the perfecting mix of questioning of self worth and guilt. 

He would probably have to just forgive him, however, because he needed to maintain a comradery with Lucius, the CEO of Wendy’s UK, or who knows what would happen with the EP. Lucius, his favorite Malfoy, would be an excellent minion, as he had connections that could prove to be very useful to Tom. He would look into that. 

‘ _Hello, Blaise,’_ Tom started the message, _‘Are you available to lend your admittedly faultless vocals for my collaborative EP with Wendy’s?’_

Seconds later, Blaise replied, _‘Thomas, unfortunately, as I would no doubt be honored to join you on your journey, I- and- oh no- our connection- it’s-’_

_‘Blaise? Are you there?’_

Tom added, _‘Also, my name is not short for Thomas, I’ve told you this.’_

Though the read receipt marked that Blaise had indeed seen the text, the next twenty that Tom sent had received no reply. 

So, it seemed that he only had Malfoy and Barty, which could be worse. He had produced masterpieces with the two Death Eaters, and he would do so again, and again, and again. 

-

 _‘RE:_ _‘Collaboration Requested on Wendy’s EP, We Beefin?’_

_Dear Wendy’s,_

_Hello, this is Lord Voldemort. I am emailing back in regards to ‘We Beefin?’ to accept your offer of collaboration. As I am currently enrolled in university, I am not made of money and thus am unable to take time off from my classes to visit America to record the EP. But, I will have several weeks open during late December- early January for the holiday season, and I can find the time in my extremely busy schedule to fly out then._

_I will be accompanied by my two backup singers, and my partner, so he needs to be paid for as well; I understand if my background singers must pay their own way. Though, certainly, I expect this will be illustrated in the contract, which will be examined by my legal team very thoroughly._

_Very_ _excited to work with you,_

_Tom Riddle (Lord Voldemort)'_

Tom sent the email with a straight face. 

He messaged a, _‘Sent the email to Wendy’s- Blaise is being difficult and it isn’t likely that he will be joining us, so it’s just Disappointment and Barty. Also, I have to punish the former again because he knew about the deal and didn’t tell me. Can I use Nagini?’_ to Harry later that night.

Harry responded almost immediately, _‘bb it’s ok, u don’t need him anyway :)) so excited for u! no to the malfoy thing.’_

 _‘He was also mean to you.’_ Tom knew that Harry would never stand for being ridiculed by Draco Malfoy, so this was the perfect way to get Harry to concede. 

_‘... you can threaten him, but DO NOT ACTUALLY STAB HIM DUMBASS >:( that is a crime!‘ _

_‘Thank you! Can I send a Snapchat of me holding Nagini menacingly? With an intimidating caption?’_

_‘sounds good. send it to me too, jic i need records of potential crimes.’_

_‘Honk?’_

_‘honk! see u friday! <3’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me writing this chapter: what’s the most fucked up thing i can write without sounding like a psychopath? 
> 
> also me: but it’s tom pov so is there even a line between normal behavior and going too far :/
> 
> i do love my own insinuation that draco makes so many mistakes that his nickname is literally ‘Disappointment’ but i feel a little bad lmao


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve been trying to get out a chapter a day so the ideas are still fresh and whatever, but for some reason, this one just wanted to be a loser, so i’m sorry it’s late and a bit of a snooze -, - i’m thinking there will be a tentative 2, maybe 3 chaps left bc i want to do a 2 part/alternate ending deal (i told you i was probably lying when i said 3 chapters total, so you can’t be mad at me)
> 
> harry’s horny this chapter, but nothing is explicit you perverts bc this is wholesome family content

Three days later, Tom was reorganizing his already immaculate bedroom by fluffing the pillows and straightening his comforter when he heard a quiet honk.

“I’m coming,” he called out, and gave the room one last look over. He nodded sharply to himself and jogged to the door, which was a very short jog, considering his apartment was 400 square feet, and his recording equipment took up a lot of space in the living room. 

He was making money from his rap videos, of course, but he lived in _London_ and he was getting a _Bachelor’s degree_ from _Hogwarts_ and he _constantly had a niggling fear in the back of his head that it all could be taken away from him, so he kept most of his money in the bank, other than what he would need to survive on a day-to-day basis._

So, he had a small apartment, with just enough room for himself, his rap work station, and Harry, when he visited every few weeks or so. 

Tom pulled his front door open. 

“That’s what you’ll be saying tonight,” Harry said with an expectant smirk.

Tom closed it again. Harry could be so crass. 

“Riddle!” Harry’s muffled voice exclaimed, and opened the door on his own, like a _heathen_. 

“You know I adhere to the Vampire Rule: one must be invited in before-” Tom recited, but was cut off by Harry’s lips on his. 

After a thorough welcome snog, Harry pulled back. “Hi.”

“Hello, muse,” Tom replied, and smiled. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, you sap. How were your classes today?”

“I turned in my essay for Mixed Media with a business card, so that counts as extra credit.” 

“It does?” Harry asked, and Tom both loved and hated that Harry knew to ask follow up questions. 

“It _should,_ if the professor has a brain.” 

“You know, you have a very good return rate on doing risky things, so I think it might work.”

Tom considered it, and nodded. Harry gasped, “Oh, fuck! Hold on!”

Harry slipped his overnight bag off his shoulder and tossed it onto Tom’s couch, and scampered back into the hall, returning with a small cake and a gift bag, then kicked the door closed behind him. Harry untied the twine securing the box, and opened it, the top hitting him in the face. The cake was decorated with Wendy’s logo, and read, ‘Congratulations, Lord Voldemort!’ in red food dye. It also appeared to be Tom’s favorite flavor, devil’s food cake. 

Tom had never been more in love than in that moment. 

Tom gasped. “Cake!” 

“A celebratory cake, because you did a thing!” Harry extended the cake towards Tom, and he kissed Harry again, maneuvering the cake so it wouldn’t get crushed between them.

Harry walked to Tom’s coffee table/kitchen table/dining room table to put down the cake and the gift, while Tom opened his utensil drawer, which was not in fact a utensil drawer, but an entire kitchen cabinet (of his two cabinets) devoted exclusively to McDonald’s cutlery. 

When Tom was fired from You-Know-Where, one of the subtle ways he had taken revenge on the company was by stealing several boxes of their pre-packaged sets of plastic silverware. He wanted to steal more, but Harry refused to help carry them, claiming he, as a Wendy’s employee, _‘couldn’t be seen with merchandise of the competitor in front of his manager.’_ Which Tom could understand, but Harry also refused to sit with him on the bus for the entire ride, so Tom _almost_ looked like an idiot with three boxes filled to the brim with forks, spoons, and other utensils on his lap, a McDonald’s takeout bag with his clown suit (that he hid under his normal, working-the-register outfit), and was listening to his own music. 

Key word being ‘almost’, because Tom knew, based on the looks other bus riders gave him, that they could tell that he was a man seeking vengeance, and would get it. 

To that day, had anyone from the McDonald’s corporation confronted him on his thievery? 

Well, no, but that just further implied that his stealth had remained undetected. Though, for the last two years, Tom had been forced to use the licensed, plastic silverware of his enemy, because it wasn’t like he was going to let it go to _waste_. 

He grabbed two sets and made his way back to Harry. 

\- 

Over the last few years of dating Tom, Harry had become pretty well adjusted to the various antics of Tom- his questionable Plans™, Surprises™, and general state of chaos- but when he had called to say he landed a job _rapping for Wendy’s_ , Harry was shocked. 

At first, he had thought it was a joke, and when he found out it wasn’t, he was, honestly, immensely proud of Tom. Since Harry had known of his existence, before they were even dating, he knew that Tom was dedicated to one thing and one thing only- his music. So, this was understandably a big deal for him. 

Though, that wasn’t to say that Tom wasn’t already successful on his own. He had amassed millions of followers since they became a couple, and they were the most insane people Harry had ever seen; they were people that would do anything literally for Tom. 

The Tumblr and Instagram accounts were alarming. Their creepy black robes and masks were alarming. Harry, when encountering anything to do with Tom’s fanbase, was in a state of alarm. For this reason, Harry didn’t want their relationship to be public. 

He had wanted to keep their relationship a secret because he had seen what happened when famous people were in relationships (paparazzi, messy breakups, gossip, rumors), but Tom had wanted them to be open because he _‘couldn’t bear for their passionate love to stay hidden.’_

Which, okay, was more than a bit ambitious considering it was only a day after they had agreed to be in a relationship, so they had to have a conversation on how slowly they should take things. But considering Tom thought it was a good idea to literally dehydrate himself to the point of passing out in order to convince Harry to date him, it was a lost cause. 

What had shocked Harry, however, was that Wendy’s must have done research on Tom, right? So, they must have seen his rapping, and one of the only things about Tom’s career that hadn’t changed, with peace and love, was his talent. 

Tom still couldn’t rap, but at that point Harry wasn’t sure if everyone was in on the joke and didn’t say anything, or if _Harry_ was the one who was missing something. 

Of course, he would never be the one to burst Tom’s bubble, because whatever worked, worked, and he honestly was proud of Tom for his alarmingly powerful influence, but one would assume that Wendy’s would want someone who could represent their food in the best way possible. Why would _Tom_ be that person?

“Cake time!” Tom said, and tossed a utensil pack on Harry. “Cake! Cake! Cake!” 

“You’ll be getting some cake later,” Harry mumbled, but he proceeded to cut the cake into a moderate and _very_ large size. 

“Dumbass! Don’t be so provocative!” Tom admonished, “I’m working with a family brand now.” He preened, and took the bigger of the two. “If you act too horny, Harry, they’ll fire me before I even return the contract.” 

He took an obscenely large bite and opened his laptop to the email that included the contract, and a caption that read, _‘Excited to work with you and create some sick tracks!’_

“Have you already read it?” Harry asked, and scrolled aimlessly through the contract. “It seems pretty standard- oh my god, fifty seven pages?”

“Is that a lot?” 

“It’s suspiciously a lot,” Harry said, “... but entire pages are just pictures of french fries. Is Wendy’s okay?” 

“How long should contracts usually be?” Tom was now cutting a second slice of cake, and Harry felt a bit sick. The _cavities_ this man must have. 

“My professor said to never trust one longer than twenty pages, but this seems pretty harmless. The period is only for when you are recording, which is listed as December 29 to January 17, and you get a flat fee of _holy fuck 50,000 pounds?_ ”

“Huh.” 

“Huh? Why ‘huh’? That’s a lot of money, you freak!” 

“I made 30,000 pounds from Spotify alone last year, so combining all of my platforms, I make over 50,000 pounds a year, easily.”

Harry didn’t know how to respond to that. 

He knew that Tom was making a lot of money, but he didn’t know Tom was _literally rich_ and _he could finally live out his dreams of being a trophy husband._

Harry carefully closed the laptop, took Tom’s paper plate off his lap, and climbed into it instead. 

“Shouldn’t we finish- _oh_ , okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at this point, i honestly do not know if tom is actually a good rapper and harry just doesn’t have a musical bone in his body, or if tom’s bad and everyone just agrees that it must be ironic- if anyone has any preference, please let me know, bc i’ll do it, bet
> 
> also, i looked up if tom liked cake, and jkr tweeted that he didn’t, so i made sure he adores cake! it’s his favorite, food, actually, my man cannot get enough of it- piss off jkr, my tom is a cake fanatic and he has trans rights are human rights in his bio! he's an accidental cult leader, not transphobic


	4. Part Four

In the two months that he had to wait for the term to be over and for his flight to America, Tom wrote a Christmas rap, did indeed get the extra credit that Harry had doubted, and had accidentally encouraged hundreds of his fans to get _The Dark Mark_ tattooed on their forearms. 

And really, despite the horrible lies Harry accused him of, it truly was an accident. 

How was Tom to know that by reposting a photo of one fan’s tattoo, it would spur dozens others to get it as well, in hopes that their idol would take notice of them as well? 

He wouldn’t have known, and he would maintain that if _chokemetom69_ ’s mother did indeed decide to take him to court for brainwashing. Though his haters tried to create conspiracies with his raps (playing them backwards, slowing them down, what have you), he had _legally_ done nothing wrong. Brainwashing is not a crime, and neither is implanting subliminal messages in music, which he definitely didn’t even do, so there weren’t any grounds for a case. 

Harry had checked for him, because he was the perfect boyfriend. 

Harry had also begun to say that he was studying law to protect Tom from being sent to prison for crimes that didn’t exist yet. Ha! One of the best things about Harry was his humor. 

But, the point was, two months was an unbearably, _excruciatingly_ long time for Tom to wait to record the EP. So when December 29 rolled around, Tom (and Harry) were more than ready to leave Sirius’s house, where they spent the holidays, and fly to America to record the EP. 

-

Looking back on it, it was inevitable that the metal detector would go off when Tom was scanned. 

The airport security guard sighed. “Sir, you need to step aside-” 

“I apologize, I don’t have time for photos, I have a very important flight to catch.”

“ _Sir_.”

Harry sighed. “Tom. You have to listen to them, it’s the law.” 

Harry watched as his boyfriend was patted down by security, had his weapon (not Nagini, but a random pocket knife) confiscated, and was detained.

The same expressionless guard turned to Harry. “Did you know that man?”

Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then just meekly replied, “... no?”

So, Harry was also detained for questioning, and security, after realizing that Tom really was just a harmless himbo (okay, maybe not harmless, but he was just a himbo trying to make it big in the rap world, can you really be mad at him?) and Harry was his exasperated boyfriend, they let them go after almost three hours. 

After they cleared up their missed flight with the customer service and secured two seats on the next available one an hour later, sent a message to the frantic Draco- who had paid for in-flight wifi- and called their contact at Wendy’s to let them know they would be late, Tom turned to Harry.

“Well! _That_ was an ordeal!” He made as if to keep walking, so Harry gently pulled their clasped hands so Tom would rotate back around.

“You worked in the _food industry_ , Tom, be more respectful! You had to deal with dumbasses, but they have to deal with _real_ threats! You are a danger to yourself and others,” Harry admonished, and really, Harry had dealt with the most out of every one that day, even gaining a few pity pats on the shoulder from airport security. _He_ was the one dating Tom. “How could you even think it would be okay to bring a _knife_ to an _airport?_ ”

Harry frequently questioned how Tom had even made it this far in life, and was doing so well. 

Tom furrowed his eyebrows. “You may have a point. But, did they _really_ have to confiscate it? It was just my suitcase knife.” He pouted, and Harry refused to be affected. 

“How are you not in prison,” Harry muttered, asking not only Tom, but the universe.

To kill time before their flight, Harry got a cinnamon pretzel, Tom trailed behind him, passing out business cards to anyone wearing headphones and taking pictures or signing autographs to various travelers.

And, if Harry sent death glares to anyone that got a little too close to Tom or acted flirtatious, it wasn’t like Tom would do anything other than smile back at him.

-

Following the twelve hour flight, and meeting back up with Barty and Draco, the four of them walked to Wendy's headquarters. Tom had told Harry that he didn’t have to say, that it would likely be boring, but Harry insisted. 

“I think this will be a lot more… efficient than the Death Eater meetings- which are great! Of course! But this will be more professional, so it’ll be interesting!” he said, and Tom had accepted that. Death Eater meetings did tend to get a bit chaotic, what with Malfoy constantly making mistakes, Barty getting distracted, and Tom wanting to make sure each line was _flawless_. 

Malfoy and Barty opened the double doors for Tom, as they were instructed for the optimal dramatic entrance, with Harry at his side. 

“Hello, can I help you?” the secretary asked, and peered around Tom at Barty and Harry pointing at the various sculptures, and Malfoy practicing his beatboxing to himself, walking in circles. Tom stepped in front of her gaze, because it was lingering a bit too much on Harry, and he plastered on his perfected Ronald McDonald clown smile. He may not have worked there anymore, but the things he picked up along the way still stuck with him.

“I have arrived,” Tom said.

“Okay…?” 

“I am Lord Voldemort.” 

“Oh! For the,” she winked, “secret project?” 

“Of course. Trust me, I know how to keep secrets, it is one of my songs, after all.” He continued to smile. 

She returned it, if a bit uneasily, which was how Tom generally preferred those around him to be. “Please, come this way, and bring your backup singers.”

“Death Eaters! Harry! Reconvene!” Tom led the way, Harry slightly behind him (looking quite affronted, but he wasn’t the lead rapper, now was he?), and Malfoy and Barty taking up the rear.

The secretary began walking towards a _red door_ , which was very nice and ominous, and he would need to have a conversation with Harry about having one of their own in their future home. She continued to lead them through the several long hallways, until she reached another door. “Welcome to... The Lair.” She opened the door.

Tom nodded in thanks, and stepped aside, and was sorely disappointed to discover that ‘The Lair’ was just an average looking recording studio. Still, it was more than what Tom had, so it would be nice to hear his vocals in a professional environment. 

He had worked in recording studios, but unfortunately, was banned from most of them in London. Most studios had decided that snakes hissing were considered ‘too disruptive’ and were ‘not allowed indoors,’ so Tom and the Death Eaters had to record most of their tracks in Tom’s apartment, or they (they being Draco and Barty) had to haul the equipment to the Malfoy Manor, and work there. 

There were several people inside The Lair, wearing headphones, and seemed generally absorbed in their own work, but one man took notice of their arrival. “There he is! _The_ Lord Voldemort!” 

Tom stuck his hand out for the man to shake. “It is I.” 

“Indeed.” He grinned, slightly predatory, _familiar._

“I am Gellert Grindelwald, I’ll be overseeing recording. Let’s get right into it, shall we?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus scene from the airport:
> 
> airport security guard: you can’t?? bring sharp objects??? on planes??
> 
> tom: errr this is awkward 
> 
> harry: i hate to say it i hope i don’t sound ridiculous- i don’t know who this man is. i mean he could be walking down the street… i wouldn’t know a thing


	5. Part Five - Ending One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is ending one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are two endings, and while this is technically the first one, you could read them out of order, i just think it would be more suitable to read this one first!
> 
> massive disclaimer that i have NO IDEA HOW RECORDING MUSIC WORKS so i apologize for my ignorance but also, this is a tomarry crack fic, i hope you weren’t expecting accuracy; also, credit to wendy's for their (bad) music

“First,” Grindelwald began, “I think your boyfriend should leave, lest you get distracted.”

“Harry’s not leaving.” 

“Harry should probably leave.”

“No.” 

“Sorry, but I’m not leaving,” Harry chimed in, “The contract said I could stay, so I’m staying.”

Grindelwald’s smile became strained. “Are you sure? There isn’t a lot of space, he might be uncomfortable.” 

Harry turned to the secretary, who was watching the interaction with wide eyes. 

“Could you bring in a chair? There must be some _somewhere_ , right?” Harry laughed his _‘we both know I’m right,’_ laugh that Tom hated to hear when it was directed at him, but loved it when it wasn’t. She scurried from the room with a frantic expression.

Seconds later, she returned with an office chair. “Problem solved!” Harry said, and took the chair from her. “And it spins!”

Tom grinned at Harry. His fans were right- they were the power couple of the decade. 

Grindelwald conversed with the technicians in a hushed voice, which definitely did not sound nefarious at all. 

“So, should I begin with some freestyling? Or get right into it?” Tom asked. 

“Hold on, Tom! We have to put on headphones to isolate the sound,” Grindelwald said, and continued to talk. Tom made a shrugging gesture to Harry, who returned it. Harry mimed honking a horn to Tom, who returned it. 

Tom grinned, then rotated around to converse with his minions. 

“Are you excited, my Lord?” asked Barty, who had begun to unpack his various instruments, including the tambourine, which Tom had specifically instructed him to not bring. 

“Barty,” Tom said pointedly.

Barty pouted. “What do you have against the tambourine?” 

“You know.” 

And Barty did know. 

“I don’t?” Malfoy said, but he said it with such a pleading voice, it sounded like a question. It almost made Tom want to tell him the story, but he and Malfoy were at friendship level two, at most, while Tom and Barty were at four. Of course, Tom and Harry were ten, the highest level. No one had made it above five until Harry. Tom didn’t know there was even a level above five. 

“Get to level four, Malfoy, and I’ll tell you.”

Malfoy nodded dejectedly. 

From outside the booth, Grindelwald gestured ostentatiously; when Tom blinked in acknowledgement, he pointed to the sets of headphones on the bench in front of them. Tom put his on, and with permission from him, as did Malfoy and Barty.

“Tom! May I call you Tom?” Grindelwald asked, and his slimy grin was back in place. 

“I would prefer Lord Voldemort, so I can immerse myself in Rap Mode, actually.” 

“Well, Tom, we have now restricted any sounds from the booth to our headphones, so we are now ready to begin recording. Let’s start with… ‘ _Clownin_ ’?”

Tom’s eye twitched. “Sounds great.” He turned back to Malfoy, and said, “You’re on snapping,” and shifted to Barty, “Beatboxing.”

They nodded, and he faced the front of the booth again. Grindelwald was trying to rattle him. How much he knew about Tom’s dark past as a McDonald’s worker, he wasn’t sure, but he did know one thing: he could rap, and no one could take that away from him.

Grindelwald looked up with a smirk. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

He pressed a button, and a generic rap background track began. Tom closed his eyes and listened. It was familiar enough, with an average BPM of 100. He was ready. 

“ _It’s the Wendy, I’ma say it yet again. Don’t be silly, you can never mess with this. To beef with-”_

“Oh, Tom!” Grindelvald’s voice crackled through his ears again, and Tom stopped. “We should have mentioned this earlier. We would actually like to hear your real voice! The Lord Voldemort character is great for the internet, and all that, but we think this could generate some real attention if your true singing was revealed, exclusive to the Wendy’s EP.”

_What?_

Tom frowned. “This is my real singing voice.” 

They laughed. 

“Right, right. Sorry, I should’ve said, ‘may we be so honored as to hear Lord Voldemort’s real singing, my Lord?’” And Grindlewald _laughed_ again, and Tom’s eyes prickled. 

_Why were they laughing?_

“What do you mean?” Tom asked. He must have been misunderstanding.

The woman working the control panel faltered beneath Tom’s sharp questioning, as she should, and her laugh abruptly ended. “You know, like, your actual singing voice when you try, not the Lord Voldemort character voice,” she said, and turned to the man to her right, “Right?” 

He nodded. Grindelwald nodded. 

A voice behind him spoke hesitantly. “My Lord-” Malfoy began, and Tom turned to him. 

“Do you know what they’re talking about?” 

He didn’t respond. 

“ _Well_?”

Barty gripped Malfoy’s shoulder, and looked at Tom. “People love your singing, Tom.”

Tom’s breath shuddered. He frantically searched for Harry, and there he was, looking confused and perfect, hands against the glass like they were in a film. 

Tom hurried to the door, and pulled it open. Before he could even say anything to Harry, who had only heard one half of the conversation (but it was enough, it was too much), he collapsed into a hug. 

“They laughed at me,” Tom said, sounding choked. “They thought my voice was a joke- that, that Lord Voldemort was a character.” 

Harry was silent, and continued stroking Tom’s back.

“They asked to hear my ‘real’ singing, like I wasn’t good enough. Why would they ask me to record for them if they thought I didn’t sing well?” 

A few moments later, Harry spoke, his tone soft, meant only for him, “Tom, you bring so much joy to the world. Millions of people listen to your music because they know it will make them happy. If these losers at Wendy’s can’t see that, fuck them.” 

“Hey!” Grindelwald shouted. “Why is everyone so upset?”

Harry bared his teeth. “You better check Twitter later, old man.” He turned back to Tom. “Do you want to leave?” 

“If they hired me only to be expecting something else, I’m certainly not staying.” Tom looked over his shoulder at Malfoy and Barty. “Are you coming, as well?”

Malfoy grimaced. “Er, I would, but my father-” 

Barty rolled his eyes, and yanked Malfoy by the ear. “Of course we’re coming.” 

Tom nodded. “An extra half point of friendship for both of you.”

“Yes!” Barty exclaimed, and Malfoy fist bumped him in victory. 

Tom glared at Grindelwald. “I curse every ice cream machine you desire. Any time you want ice cream from a fast food restaurant, the machine will always be out of service. Remember, it is not the fault of the establishment, but you, Gellert Grindelwald. You will never taste another Frosty, another McFlurry, another Blizzard. You are damned to a life without good ice cream.”

Grindelwald laughed, but it was strained. Good. “You can’t just leave!”

“Oh, really?” asked Harry. “Check the contract, Grindelfuck, we added an escape clause for a reason.” 

And with that, Tom, Harry, and the Death Eaters, left Wendy’s HQ. 

“I suppose I should just stick to the internet,” Tom said, and Harry reached over to grab his hand, and begun swinging them. 

“I don’t know about that.” He pulled his phone from his back pocket, and opened Twitter. “Shall we start ‘#WendysisoverParty’?” 

Malfoy’s eyes widened. “Uh, no? My father still works there, Potter, and he could get fired!” 

Harry rolled his eyes. “It’s fine! We’ll say that Wendy’s UK isn’t related to what happened. It’s not like I would want Albus to get in trouble, either.” 

Malfoy considered this. “Alright.” 

Barty nodded. “That’s fine with me, as well!” 

Harry looked at Tom. “What do you think?” 

Wendy’s was public enemy number one. He had thought McDonald’s was, but considering it, McDonald’s could have left him a lot worse off. He had gotten the Ronald McDonald clown suit, which he still got a lot of uses out of, he had gotten Harry, and he had gotten inspiration for revenge raps, or as some called them, _diss tracks._ Wendy’s, however. Wendy’s betrayal hurt because he didn’t even think to suspect them. 

“Do it.” 

\- 

_‘USA TODAY: Wendy’s Under Fire for Harassing Popular Rapper, Lord Voldemort_

_Over the past week, Wendy’s has seen unprecedented amounts of criticism after tweets from well-known rap star Tom Riddle (better known as Lord Voldemort)’s partner, Harry Potter, went viral._

_Potter accused the famous burger chain of harassing and bullying his partner after being hired to record their new EP. With audio files to prove it, the Recording Executive, Gellert Grindelwald, is heard making rude remarks to the rapper. To hear these shocking and telling words, scroll down.’_

“Tom! Did you see the article from USA Today?” Harry asked, and slid the laptop over to Tom. 

“No, not yet. Is Post Malone famous? He direct messaged me.” Tom replied, and swapped the laptop for his cell phone. 

“Post Malone? How do you not know who Post Malone is? Aw, he’s being really sweet!” Harry sent him five heart emojis. Tom frowned. 

“You can’t do that.”

“Can’t do what?” Harry questioned, still absorbed in the phone. 

“You can’t send other people hearts.” 

Harry looked up, and smiled. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” He put the phone down, and cuddled into Tom’s side. “So, now what?” 

“We should really have a room called ‘The Lair’ in our future house. Elegant, but forbidding- ouch, Harry! Your flicks have gotten progressively more painful!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> harry: call an ambulance! call an ambulance! (*whips out twitter*) but not for me
> 
> this is a non magical au, but for some reason, tom’s curse works. grindelwald lives the rest of his life with exclusively supermarket ice cream. 
> 
> just know that when republicans talk about cancel culture, they are talking about a fictional man literally end an entire chain of businesses


	6. Part Six - Ending Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is ending two!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second ending, but can be read out of order!

“First,” Grindelwald began, “I think your boyfriend should leave, lest you get distracted.”

“Harry’s not leaving.” 

“Harry should probably leave.”

“No.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll go,” Harry interrupted Tom, who was in a very intense staring contest with Grindelwald, and was winning. “I don’t want to distract you. Good luck, Tom, Barty!”

Malfoy huffed. “I’m here, too, you know.” Harry flicked his forehead, and went to follow the secretary back to the entrance of the building. 

Tom followed Harry out the door. “Wait, Harry-”

“It’s okay, really. I wouldn’t want to be in the way, it’s crowded enough as is. I’ll just stay in the lobby, and you can tell me all about it when you’re done,” Harry said, and kissed Tom. “I don’t want to be the one to get you into trouble- you can do that on your own.”

“Are you sure? They said you could stay when I asked about it in the contract.”

Harry nodded. “Grindelwald seems, like, super intense about it all. I don’t want to get on his bad side,” he said, and leaned in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you. Have fun! Oh, damn it, I forgot the clown horn. Okay, verbal honk!” 

Tom smiled at him. “Honk.”

Tom knew that Harry was wary of his rapping in the beginning of their relationship, which Tom had actually appreciated, because Harry’s cautiousness helped balance Tom’s eagerness. Just in the beginning, of course, before their souls really had a chance to get to know each other. Now, of course, Harry was almost more enthusiastic than Tom when it came to his raps.

Harry waved at Tom, which he returned. He watched until Harry disappeared behind a corner, and when he was sure his smile had fully died down (a problem he never had until dating Harry), turned back around, and walked right into Grindelwald, who was watching their interaction. 

“I’m sorry he had to leave, but you wouldn’t want him distracting you, right?” Grindelwald asked with the same could-be-creepier-but-was-still-pretty-creepy grin. 

“I mean, he wouldn’t have, but you give off a strange vibe that I don’t really feel like agitating right now, and I probably would have if Harry were to stay.”

Grindelwald’s eyes twitched. “Listen, Tom, may I call you Tom?”

“No, you may not.” 

“Tom, I had a Harry of my own when I was younger.”

“Uh-”

“Well, don’t make that face, not _literally_ of course. Let me tell you a story, Tom.” 

“Is it relevant to the sole reason of why I’m here, that reason being my rapping?” Tom asked, and Grindelwald nodded gravely. “Are you sure? Because Barty and Malfoy are already doing their own thing-” Tom pointed to the booth where they appeared to be alternating screams into the microphone. “so I really don’t think we should waste time just having a conversation.”

Grindelwald nodded again. Tom sighed.

“Alright, go ahead.”

“I was sixteen, he was seventeen, and we both needed jobs. It was _dest-”_

Tom cut him off. “ _Grindelwald,_ you’re boring me.”

“Back in my day, the youth respected their elders.”

“Do something worthy of my respect. Could you get to whatever the point is? You would be a horrible minion, just to let you know. I would never let you rap with me,” Tom rolled his eyes, and Grindelwald scoffed.

“I am a leader! Not a follower! Let me continue. Ever since Albus decided to sta-”

“No. You aren’t going into your dramatic backstory right now. I am in a solid relationship, your speech means nothing to me. Wendy’s? Means nothing to me. I’ve been making _bank_ on my own for years. You think your own failed relationship affects me? No. You think my goal is to be like _you_? No. I’m great on my own, and honestly, this work environment is toxic.”

“Wait!” Grindelwald exclaimed, “I wanted to be great, and Albus settled for being mediocre. Tell me, Tom,” he leaned in, “does Harry want you to be great?” 

“Harry _is_ what makes me great. Now, can we record, or are you going to keep being a psychopath?” Tom asked. “Trust me, I can spot a psychopath when I see one.”

Grindelwald frowned. “I really think you should listen to what I’m saying.” 

“No, _Gellert_ , I think you should listen to me. I am Lord Voldemort. I am universally adored. Do you see this face?” He pointed at his face. “Millions love this face. Do you see my tonsils?” He opened his mouth. “That’s right, you don’t. I got them removed to sing better. Do you think I fuck around, Gellert?” 

Grindelwald shook his head. 

“You got that right, at least. I don’t fuck around. I’m a rapper, and I’m here to rap. I am not here for your opinions I didn’t ask for. I’m not here to listen to your sob story, which, by the way, means nothing to me, because I’ve met Albus, and even though I despise him, that man is happy, and he likes where he’s working, and you are not a better person just because you work at Corporate.”

Tom paused. Grindelwald looked close to tears. Good. 

“Now, are we going to record an EP for Wendy’s, or are we going to keep having this useless conversation?” 

Grindelwald swallowed. “Let’s record an EP.” 

Tom grinned, his smile more intimidating than Grindelwald could ever wish his could be. “Excellent.”

They walked back into the recording studio, where the two people working the soundboard were avidly watching Malfoy make bird cooing noises to Barty’s cawing. The man watched on in vague horror with a hand raised his mouth in shock, while the woman appeared to be recording it, and adjusting the various knobs on the soundboard. Good, because it sounded fantastic, and would surely lead to a chart topping hit. 

Tom called out, “Let’s start with _‘Rest in Grease,’_ if that works for everyone?”

Malfoy and Barty gave thumbs-ups from inside the booth. The technicians turned around to see Grindelwald furiously scrubbing at his face. 

“Ah,” Tom said. “Don’t worry about him. We just had a bonding moment, he’s a very emotional man.” 

They slowly nodded, and Tom took his place in the booth between Malfoy and Barty. 

“Ready?” the woman asked. “Wonderful.”

She nodded to the man, and then pointed at Tom. 

“ _You gon’ get that work. Redhead with some pig tails-_ ”

-

That evening, around six o’clock, Tom, Barty, and Malfoy left the studio to meet up with a napping Harry in the entrance of the building. 

“So, how did it go?” Harry asked, swinging their hands between them, Barty and Draco trailing behind them. “Did I miss out on a lot?”

“Not really. I think you would’ve been bored.”

Harry shrugged. “If you say so.”

“Hungry?”

“Sure. Wendy’s?”

Tom flicked Harry on the forehead.

\- 

“Tom! Look at this one from Rolling Stone!”

_‘ROLLING STONE: Exclusive Interview with the Lead Rapper on ‘We Beefin?’, Lord Voldemort_

_Tom Riddle, better known on the internet as Lord Voldemort, was the primary voice on the shocking new EP by Wendy’s, the fast food establishment’s first (and hopefully not only!) foray into the music world._

_Unexpectedly, this breakout album was a massive hit within the music world, and we can’t get enough of Lord Voldemort! His unique singing style makes for very interesting music, at least, we certainly think so, as do his millions of streamers on Spotify, millions of followers on SoundCloud, and his millions of subscribers on YouTube!_

_We had the chance to sit down and discuss this EP, along with his other music… (cont. pg. 4)’_

“When did you do that one? I thought you had Vanity Fair on Friday?” Harry asked, and passed the magazine to Tom. 

“I did that one on the phone.” He skipped to page four, and couldn’t help but smile. There, in the corner, was the photo he and Harry had taken on Halloween- Tom in a Wendy’s outfit and Harry in his Ronald McDonald clown suit, which had gotten a lot more uses out of than either of them had expected. 

“Cuties!” Harry exclaimed from his side. He directed Tom’s head down for a kiss. 

“So, what’s next?” Harry asked, and pawed through the magazines on the table for any that he hadn’t yet looked through. 

“Well, I was thinking, if we were ever to get a house, how do you feel about red doors? Classy, but ominous- Harry, stop flicking me!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a bit of insight, i guess? tom was equally bad at rapping in both endings, but because he just embarrassed the hell out of grindelwald in ending two, and those two technicians were kinda spooked by mad tom, no one said anything
> 
> also, this kind of became background draco/barty and i'm fine with that
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this sequel! let me know which ending you liked more, and i'll see you next time in the fast food restaurant au! infinite honks to all of you! <3

**Author's Note:**

> the chapter count is probably a lie, just letting you know, bc i am the worst
> 
> is the honk cute or am i insane? i dig the honk.


End file.
